How to Get Friends with Benefits (FWB) in 2019

How to Get Friends with Benefits (FWB) in 2019

Janelle Moi by Janelle Moi

Friends with benefits are great on paper. You can have sex with someone without any messy feelings attached to it, and you can keep it cool with them and act like BFFs if you wanted to. But realistically, some people can't always navigate through their friends with benefits relationships easily.

One thing that some people tend to struggle with is the fact that eventually, every friends with benefits situation dies. Hate to break it to you, but no, you can't keep having casual sex with the same person forever.

But if you want to preserve that relationship for as long as possible, while keeping it casual, here's how you can do that.

Stick to Your Time Limits

Having a friends with benefits situation can be really beneficial for people when they're at a point in their lives when they don't want a relationship, but still want companionship (if that's what you want to call it).

However, when you're starting a new friends with benefits relationship, you should always make sure to set your boundaries. If you don't lay out a clear set of expectations, things can go south really quick. By not defining your limitations, you can end up in situations where you offend the other person, or worse, annoy them, and they won't want to be your fuckbuddy anymore.

One of the most critical boundaries to set that'll keep this from happening is time constraints. You want to let the other person know when it's okay, and when it's not, to hit you up. If they blow up your phone while you're at work asking "Wyd?" it'll be easy to get sick of them, and vice versa. But if they hit you with that same text, say, on a Sunday afternoon, you'll be more inclined to take a study break, if you know what I mean.

Going outside of your time limits, like how long you should stay over when you're finished having sex, if sleeping over is allowed or not, or hitting them up at inconvenient times, is one of the quickest ways to turn your FWB situation sour.

Remember That You're Just Friends

One thing that usually guys seem to have trouble with is understanding that just because you're having sex with someone doesn't mean you get to tell them what to do, or put your input into their life. What they do outside your time together is none of your business, and you need to always keep your emotions in check.

If they notice that you're being controlling, getting jealous, or becoming super clingy, they're going to run for the hills as fast as they can. Give them the space you give your friends and let them live their life freely.

Remembering that you're friends also means that you shouldn't treat your FWB like shit. Just because you're not dating doesn't mean you should ever disrespect them, be rude to them, or just plainly be a dick about things. If they cancel on you, don't take it out on them by going on a text melt-down calling them an "easy whore" (cause, uh, you're one too, buddy), and NEVER expose what you do together.

Blabbing your mouth about what you have going on is a huge turn-off for most people, and they'll ditch you real quick. It's best to mind your business, be nice to them, and keep it friendly.

Communicate

Yes, this is still important even if you're not in a relationship with this person.

Communication is an essential part of any relationship, including a friendship, which you have with your friends with benefits; hence the word "friends." The same way you communicate with your friends when you haven't seen them in a while, and you want to let them know you're still there, or when you have a problem and feel some weird tension you want to address, you want to give your FWB the same decency.

If there's ever anything you're unclear about, have an issue with, or want them to know - tell them. Always speak up and never let anything harbor because that can create a bigger problem than the one that's already present.

You also want to communicate to check in with each other about the whole situation and if you're still comfortable with it. Sometimes people catch feelings, want to see other people, or are ready to get into a relationship with someone else, and you need to talk about those things.

Don't Make Them A Plus-1

The point of the FWB situation is to keep it casual, so that means you can't invite them to your friend's wedding, your family parties, or to hang out with you and your friends. To them, that'll sound an awful lot like dating, and that's the one thing you're not doing with this person.

You also have the chance of coming off as clingy. If you want to see this person all the time outside of sex, they can feel smothered by you and want to go look for someone who's more laid-back about how often they see each other.

They might genuinely be a cool person, and you might really like them, but that doesn't mean you have to introduce them to all your friends and family (ESPECIALLY your parents). You'll be crossing a line that every FWB knows not to cross.

It's great when you can have someone you know you can always bring to any family or friend outings, but save that for when you're in a relationship.

Don't Expect It to Last Forever

Lastly, don't expect to keep your FWB around forever. That can create some serious commitment issues within the both of you, plus, if you didn't want to date each other in the first place, chances are you wouldn't make a good couple. To make it last longer I suggest trying to sleep with other people occasionall, consider downloading a fuck app to find people to keep things fresh.

Whether it lasts for a few weeks, months, or a year (I usually say to cap it at that), enjoy the time you shared for as long as they allow you to. Remember, you can't control them or dictate what they do, much less get them to stay. Friends with benefits are meant to end, and in time, yours will, too.

Jessie is online and wants to fuck.