Ultimate Guide to Finding a Fuck Friend in 2019

We've all had that awful feeling - that loneliness every human being has felt at least once before. It's something we all struggle with from time to time, but it's not something that lasts forever - especially when you have the power of dating apps on your side.

That's right! By harnessing the power of modern dating apps, anyone can find a fuckbuddy - no problem at all. Even if you're not the most dashing man/woman in the world - you can still find someones who is willing to share their bed with you. All we have to do is find them.

  • Collect Yourself

    This step might not be necessary for everyone out there, but if you just got out of a long-winded relationship, or any other shitty situation - remember to pick yourself up.

    Even though you might not know it, there are literal tons of girls out there who would be more than willing to wet your willy. First, you might want to make sure you have a few pictures of yourself.

    No, none of your stupid selfies are making it onto the dating site. When girls see all of your 'smile-less selfies' they're going to run for the hills. What you really want to do is open yourself up.

    Show off a few pictures of you and your dog, some of you with your friends, maybe one of you on a hike - you know what I mean. Show these girls that you have a like outside of Tinder or whatever. Show them that you're an open book who is ready to be read.

    Girls can immediately tell if you're looking nervous or uncomfortable in your pictures, so keep it relaxed and casual. On the reverse side of that - you might want to acquire a picture of you at a fancy event where you're wearing a suit of some kind.

    Basically, all we are trying to do here is build your dating app persona. This is the attitude you have to take on when dealing with strangers online. If you want to show them your true colors right off the bat, however, feel free. Just don't come complaining when girls realize the 'real you' is romanticly disabled.

  • Get Your Profile Together

    Whether you're using Tinder or Bumble or Hinge or Coffee Meets Bagel - it doesn't matter. Whichever app you use will ultimatley require you to create a profile, and profiles are everything.

    In a world where the only impression you'll ever make on a girl is based on a few pictures, those pictures matter. Pick through your Instagram and ask yourself, "do these photos show girls that I'm a human?", for each photo.

    Make a list of pictures that might qualify you for a free night of fucking, and choose your top 5 from there. Those five pictures are almost the only thing getting you into some girls' pants - so make sure they are top notch.

    Posting pictures where you're shirtless or flexing super hard can be a little tasteless. Try and get some photos of your dog(s) on there, so girls know that you have a normal side to you that isn't thinking about pounding chicks all the time (like that exists).

    Girls also browse your pictures to check out your social life and make sure that you know how to interact with other humans in a decent way. Post a photo of yourself at a social event or a party.

    This will prove to her that you know how to have a good time, and more importantly, that you know how to show HER a good time. Trust me when I say; there's not a girl on the planet who wants to fuck a guy who spends all of his Saturday nights at LAN parties or Overwatch tournaments (that does sound fun though).

  • Bio

    Since there have been some design changes to Tinder recently, the bios are a little harder to read than normal. However, there ARE other dating apps besides Tinder, so your bio counts.

    People often underestimate how important their bios truly are. Someone's bio can be the difference between a swipe left or a swipe right - there's no doubt about it. If some hot girl shows up on your list and she looks hotter than molten sex, you'd probably 'like' her. But, if the same girl had a bio that talked about her ex's or her recently aborted baby - she might be a nutjob.

    Bios are, in a way, like a window into the inner psyche of a dating app user. It shows us exactly what that person likes, dislikes, annoyances, etc. By paying attention to their bios, you can have a much easier time sending the first message - but ill get to that later.

    When you're writing your bio, really think about the way you want girls to see you. You could go with the 'serious' vibe with a list of all your hobbies/wishes/hopes/dreams, and let her know you're looking for a serious thing - or you could always use my personal favorite approach - comedy.

    Just one sentence is enough to get a girl interested in you. Even if you're a solid 6/10, it's easy to pick up girls when you've got a killer sense of humor.

    For example, my Tinder bio was, "one time I helped an old lady cross the street" and I'd never gotten as many matches like that in my life. All you have to do is keep them entertained and laughing - and you have them exactly where you want them.

  • Messaging

    Messaging is the one thing that can get you laid without ever even getting out of your chair, but it's also the easiest way to ruin something special. I don't want to scare you, but that's the truth.

    Even though you'll probably fail time and time again, it's important to keep your chin up. No master Cassanova ever got to where he was by cowering behind his TV screen. You have to try, and you have to fail if you ever want to succeed.

    That being said, don't be weird. I mean, it seems like kind of a no-brainer, but trying to get sexual too fast is a sure-fire way to get unmatched on the spot. Just chat her up about herself and show some interest.

    If she has even a little bit of interest in you, she'll start asking you about yourself. Be prepared to talk about your life as if it's a movie you've seen 100 times. Play it cool.

    Whatever you do, don't try to start sexting her. Unless she gives you a full green light, just sit tight and be polite. If you learn from your mistakes, you'll eventually be a master of conversing. Then getting a fuckbuddy will be no problem at all!

  • Fuck Her/Him

    Nows the time when everything you've done comes into play. Everything from your picture selection to your well though bio and even your mysterious/hilarious messages.

    Once you two get well acquainted with each other over the chat app, it's time to start chatting for real. Ask her if she wants to grab a drink (or a movie if you're under 21), and see where it takes you.

    I know it's scary. It's scary for everyone - even the most experienced seducer. But that's the point of it all, isn't it? To feel that rush that comes with the act of being ballsy. That feeling when your heart is beating on the inside of your rib cage like a shake weight out of hell - you know what I mean.

    Anyways, I wish you luck on your date with your brand new fuckbuddy. Whether you hook up at your place or in the bathroom of the bar you meet at or some other spontaneous hookup spot, tell him/her I said 'hi.'

Jessie is online and wants to fuck.