What do you do when you don't want a relationship but also want to keep having consistent sex?
You find a fuck buddy. A myth for some, fuck buddies are actually very real and very possible, especially in today's world. While we all can agree that there's nothing like romantic sex, more and more people, including women, are craving casual sex and casual relationships; or in other words, a fuck buddy. Fuck buddies are good for people who aren't looking for a serious relationship at the moment, getting over a heartbreak and focusing on themselves, are "too busy" with work and/or school, or just anyone who wants to enjoy sex without the constraints and string attached with relationships.
Casual sex and having a fuck buddy can provide you with all the benefits of a sexual partner without cutting into your time, schedule, and gives you the freedom of still being able to enjoy sex when dating and relationships aren't a priority in your life. It's definitely a situation that isn't for everybody, but if you're into it, then arguably the hardest part about a fuck-buddy relationship, or FWB, is getting one.
Let's be honest, the concept of a fuck buddy sounds amazing, but finding one is sometimes more complicated than it seems. If you want to get a fuck buddy, here are five steps to help guide you through your process.
Obviously, the first part of successfully getting a fuck buddy is to look for one. Now, there are two ways you can go about this.
First, you can go the traditional route and try to meet someone in real life. This usually works out for most people with great communication skills and aren't too shy, but it can still be pretty scary to try to meet people IRL.
You want to go places where you'll find people around your age (or older if you're into that) that you can mingle with. This could be your local bar, a party, coffee shop, and even on your college campus. You know your town better than I do, so go wherever you know people spend their weekends at and try to meet people. One thing you want to remember with this method is never to ask people flat-out "You down to fuck?" or be a creep. You're going out to meet and talk to people, and if you bring up sex the first time you're conversing with them, you can bet they're not going to be your fuck buddy. Unless you're at a bar, and you're clear that the other person is looking for a one-night stand, I wouldn't recommend trying to take them home the same night you meet them.
Instead, get their number and text them later. If you really want to get laid, you could ask if they're down to hang out and it could lead to hooking up, or you could also wait a few days. Either way, you want to take it kind of slow at first to build up the fuck buddy relationship.
The second option of searching for your fuck buddy is one of the best methods, and that's going online. Whether you're using dating apps or social media, you can bet you can find someone to be your fuck buddy on them. If you've never tried out dating apps before, you should. It makes it 10x easier to look through a handful of potential fuck buddies in your area in an instant, and it's easier to see who's down for something casual and who's not. Most people will detail what they're looking for in their profile descriptions, but even if you can't find it, you can easily find out by messaging them. Plus, dating apps like Tinder have kind of become hookup central for college-aged people - there are even sites dedicated to strictly hookups.
It's no secret that people who use dating apps are likely just looking for sex, but more surprising to some people is that women use these apps to hook up with somebody. In fact, 33% of women have sex on the first offline encounter with somebody they met online. Those are some pretty high numbers.
But even if you don't feel like signing up for Tinder or Bumble, or what have you, chances are you're already on social media; so use it to your advantage! You're probably already following tons of girls or guys you think are hot, so why not try talking to them? Sliding in the DMs can be scary, but as long as you're not sending any wild messages, you should be okay.
When you're mingling around and trying to find one or more person to be your fuck buddy, you should always set the foreground with them, and once you've selected a few people that you want to have sex, and keep having sex with, you should be clear about your intentions. With everyone you meet, you should always be honest about what you're seeking. There's no need for manipulation or playing games, especially when it comes to girls, just to try to get in their pants. Both girls and guys will respect you a lot more if you're straightforward with your intentions, and it makes things so much easier and weeds out people who aren't into the idea of casual sex or being friends with benefits.
Some people may not be into it, and others will be down for it. If someone doesn't prefer casual sex, then don't try to convince them to be. If someone is okay with it, make sure you tell them that you're not looking for a relationship and lay out how you want things to be. Having conversations and expressing what you both want from the relationship, and what your expectations are, will make things less complicated and you can enjoy the sex knowing there are no commitments.
Okay, so by this point, you should have at least a few people in mind for who you want to have sex with. It can be one person or multiple people, but with whoever you're choosing, you should sort of test them out first. They could look good on paper, but it doesn't mean they'll always work out. If you've been hanging out with someone, and they say that they're okay with just being fuck buddies, you don't want it to turn out that they're not really okay with it and start wanting more from you. Also, you could like having sex with someone, but if they're a horrible person or you can't stand to be around them when you're not having sex, you might want to reconsider your choice.
The purpose of the trial run is to feel out the person (or people) you've chosen to be your fuck buddy, and see how your dynamic works, or doesn't work. Then, you can assess if you want to continue with them or move on to someone else.
You might read that heading and say "duh," but keeping things casual is essential to the success of your fuck-buddy relationship, especially if you've never had one before. You don't have to constantly talk to, text, or check in with them and ask how their day is going. I'm not saying you couldn't ever do that, but it's not necessary to smother them with texts.
If you're going to hang out outside of sex, and you can, hang out as friends. As long as you're never getting too attached and they aren't either, things should work out fine.
Unfortunately, one thing that also comes along with fuck buddy relationships as in serious relationships is knowing when it's time to go. If you get bored, stop liking the person (or the sex), or should they catch feelings for you, then it's probably the time to end it. At one point, they might want a relationship with somebody else, and that's also when you should stop seeing them. But you should get comfortable with the fact that anyone who is your fuck buddy can stop being your fuck buddy whenever they want, or whenever the time comes, like any relationship.