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5 Mistakes Every Guy Makes When Hooking Up

5 Mistakes Every Guy Makes When Hooking Up

When you hook up with a girl, chances are that you're enjoying yourself so much that you forget what you're doing for time to time. Everyone's guilty of it, don't worry. Especially in your teenage years, you find yourself fumbling around in the way only a teenager can.

It's kind of shitty, to be honest. That moment when you realize you have no idea what the fuck you're doing is like watching a baby horse struggle to keep its legs straight - sad and hard to watch. Whether you want to check out the list for pointers, or just reminisce in your teenage years, this is going to be a wild ride through hookup past.

  1. The One Handed Removal

    Everyone's seen it on TV and movies - that's right, the one-handed bra removal. A move only a master could pull off (no pun intended). Usually, it's something you try with a long-time girlfriend, and it almost never goes well. The reason you aren't succeeding with your fancy moves is that of variables you can't control. Maybe get a friends with benefits to try shit out on.

    For instance, the tightness of the bra is never a known factor. If Cindy is wearing a bra that's two sizes too small, just to impress you, it's going to be nearly impossible to untie that sucker. You might even need a crowbar if she really overdid it.

    And then there's the bras that were designed by a group of women that want to gatekeep breasts from all men. They design bras that make you question reality and it's sure to kill your entire vibe once you realize you're trying to solve a rubix cube one-handed without looking.

    At the end of the day, it's dumb an isn't even that cool. The few times I've tried it and pulled it off it really just made me look like an asshole.

    A quick trick you can try when you're unhooking a girls bra involves a little passion and some adept-level finger coordination. Pull her in tight and kiss her while you use BOTH HANDS to unhook her bra. It will give you leverage when you're dealing with too much tension, and it'll make her go crazy. Try it out sometime.

  2. Rubbed the Wrong Way

    Vaginas are tough; I get it. When I was young, I had no clue what I was doing with those mysterious clams. At certain points, I was trying to make it angry, and others I was petting it like a gerbil. Nobody really showed me how to treat a woman, so it was a bit of a learning process.

    Rubbing a girl's vagina is an art form. Something a lot of guys don't get right is the use of friction. When I say the use of friction, I mean any use of friction - at all. Vaginas are incredibly sensitive, so you want to take the utmost care when handling them.

    No girl wants a rug burn from her jeans because you were too dumb to realize when to make your next move. You just kept rubbing her pussy until she made you stop because of how uncomfortable she was. Its ok, we all make mistakes.

    The first time I fingered a girl, I went a little too hard on the rubbing, and she damn near limped out of my house within the hour.

    All I'm saying is this, Communicate with her. Ask her if you want her to keep going. Ask her if it feels good. Not only is this going to turn her on, but it'll make sure that you're doing what she wants, where she wants, for as long as she wants.

  3. Hickeys

    You might think hickeys are super cool, but in reality, they're lame as shit. What are you in the third grade? Do you need some spoons for your neck? I mean, really?

    Take my comments lightly. I'm well aware that there's a group of people out there who love to have their necks sucked on like popsicles, and while I don't understand them, I respect their right to kink on.

    In case you weren't aware, you can get rid of any unwanted hickeys within hours by just placing a few spoons in the freezer long enough to get them as cool as possible. Then all you have to do is apply it to the affected area, and there you go. Repeat this a number of times until it's numb - that's how you know it's working.

    It also helps to put each used spoon back in the freeze in a sort of 'cycle' that ensures you a cold spoon everytime you go back to the freezer.

    If you think hickeys are the bomb.com, then you go right on ahead, but just know that it makes people look a little... gnarly, in certain situations.

  4. Nipple Sucking

    If you are into girls, then you know how incredible it feels to suck on a girls titty without a care in the world. It's like everything you need is all right there under your chin. Boobs are a gift, so it hurts me to know that most guys are mistreating them.

    If you're sucking a girls tit, it's important never to bite unless you know for certain that she's into it. If, when you bite her nipple a little, she moans a little extra then you might have a girl with sensitive nipples on your hands. Be careful when handling those sweater puppies, because if you over stimulated them - she will not be happy.

    Another thing that goes hand-in-hand with this mistake is sucking the nipple(s) for waaayyy too long instead of paying attention to other, more tasteful, areas of her body. But mostly in between her legs.

  5. Asshole Too Early

    While anal seems to be a pretty sought after thing in the porn industry, it's not every girl cup of tea. Nothing makes a girl more uncomfortable than a foreign finger in her butt. That's one sure fire way to rid yourself of that fuck friend.

    There's something you have to know about anal - it's messy. And not just every girl is going to have a squeaky clean behind at every moment of the day. It's hard to think about, I know, but that's all part of life.

    If you're smart, you'll ask her if it turns her on and if she says no, then hey- it was worth trying for. I like to think that the best outcome in any situation ends with some kind of anal, and I stand by that - especially when you're hooking up with a hot ass chick.

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